She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
