There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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