So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
