I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
