When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
