Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
