jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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