i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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