Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize