1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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