Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
