i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
