when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
