Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He better not be in your backpack
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
