wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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