you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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