I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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