So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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