i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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