I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
