so let's talk penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
