This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize