I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
