I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize