I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
