i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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