Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
