Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
