Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
