Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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