I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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