im drinking this country out of the recession.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
