We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
