Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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