My sheets look like a crime scene.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
