I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize