She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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