come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
