WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
