It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
