I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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