genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
