...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
