i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
