The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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