I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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