she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
