"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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