Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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