Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
