tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's shark week go big or go home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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