I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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