Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
