We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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