I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
