i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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