her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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