We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
