you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
