i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
