My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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