Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
