...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
