the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
