Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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