I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Holy sore nipples Batman
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
