Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
