Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
