you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
