On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
