I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
