I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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