mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
