Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
