Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
