I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
