i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize