Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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