whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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