Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
