I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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