so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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