I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
