It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
