Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
