dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
In America we eat man semen.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
