i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize