i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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