SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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