Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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