Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
