Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
