i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize