its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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