Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
