just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
