Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
