im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
