I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize