One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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