She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
