she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
