The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
