I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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