Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
