She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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