She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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