Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
