the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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